Happy New Year.....?

Long time no blog eh?

Well, Christmas was Christmassy, and I hope that New Years will be just as New Years-y...
(aka the holidays are going well for us here in the dusty ol' praire town of Athabasca)

"She Wants Revenge" is what's playing on the stereo (new) right now, but I can't say that I want revenge. I just want closure, or beginnings...again. Because THAT makes sense, eh?
No you must know what I mean. To relive something that was wonderful. Not change anything, just make it happen again, so that you can be thouroughly excited in that moment, again...
Ahh, don't be too worried if this isn't making much sense, I had weird coffee earlier....

Hang on, something may be burning...

...nope just phantom sizzling noises.

I've been fairly philosophical lately, and in a way that isn't extremely cheesy either, it's been quite odd, in a good way. Pondering what are the best morals to live by. For example, is it better to strive for perfection or for happiness? What's more important, yourself or others?....General quasi-rhetorical questions like these are what have been inhabiting my mind lately, and I can't say they're entirely horrible.

(Oh no, this is one of those A.D.D. blogs again. I really do apologize to anyone reading this if you are thouroughly scared or confused at this point. It'll all be over soon.)

I miss the friend/cousin/quasi-big brother I know whose name is Mitch. Lately it seems as though he doesn't exist, in cyber world anyways. I hope to hear from him before school starts. :)

So, a Happy New Year to all and best wishes for the new year. Don't drink yourself silly. Don't make foolish resolutions you know you'll never suceed at. Stick with simple ones. Here are some examples:
1) Eat a minimum of one piece of bread daily. (Bread is yummy, this is not hard)
2) Give a minimum of two hugs daily. (Oh come on, you know atleast two people you can hug, or atleast one person that needs two hugs.)
3) Keep a journal/diary. Artistic, Literary, or other. (You know you want to. What's a better way to let the cyborgs of the next millenium know we existed that a document of your innermost thoughts & desires...oh come on, just write down what you do each day if nothing else.)

Cheers!
Judi

Sixteenth

So, this is the week of the birthday. 16. Sweet 16.
The 16th published blog entry. (only mildy coincidental)

I wanted this to be somewhat of a commerative summary of the past 16 years of my life, but somehow that seemed too cheesy and difficult.
You'll just have to settle for this week's events:

Babysitting ($90, respect for past sanity); Work (~$40 in tips for the week, insight into human behaviour etc.); School ($0, minimal sleep priveleges, new appreciation for sculpture/literature/music); Various Conversations with Friends (still $0, new-fangled admiration for these friends of mine and their wonderfully splendifferous minds).

Been working on change, and if I could conjure up any examples of this said change, I would. However, my memory is never very good...(no rhyme intended)

So, I'm excited about turning 16, except it's not the actual day that I think will be the good part. It's these days leading up to it...where the ecstasy is unsurpassable. If only I could come up with a party plan...
However, I have lined up going to see the NUTCRACKER! I can't believe Ally's dancing in the Alberta Ballet this Christmas! So excited for her, and that I get to go see her perform on Saturday!

Happy 16th to me! HUGS to all!!

--Judi

One Of The Best Birthdays

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITCH!!

I'll summarize the events of our weekend a bit because the long version is just a bit too overwhelming.

Saturday morning at 2 ish I prepared for a long night of catching up with Mitch once he got in from the bus, then catch a few winks. Well to shorten a long story, this cousin of mine had to run down the hill to our house in cold Alberta winter temperatures with a snowboard on his back. I awoke at 7ish and found a relatively Mitch-esque lump on the recliner across the living room. Reawakening around 8:30 or so, I decided it was time to find out if this lump was alive. All I needed to do was wave my hand infront of his face when he was semi-conscious and there we go, Magic! It moved!

For the next hour and a half we sat and chilled out. That was so awesome, getting back into the swing of things with each other. Unfortunately we couldn't go boarding like we had planned, but the day ended up being relaxed, a very quintessential Mitch-Judi mood.

That was followed by the birthday cookie(double chocolate chip) and birthday gift giving. 5 rolls of duct tape: 1 blue, 1 red, 1 white, 1 black, and 1 silver/reg. color. He was so enthralled at the sight of them...Ahh Mitch. Can't wait to see what you got me.

We were then headed up to the bus station to begin our city adventures substantially earlier than we planned, since the boarding was a no-go. At the bus station, a lady spontaneously revealed most of her life story to us while we waited for the bus to come. I have to say that Days of Our Lives would pay good money to use this woman's story...:

She vented until the bus came and we were able to pick our chins up off the floor enough to respond with semi-human phrases. Now THAT wasn't too bad, atleast compared to what happened when we reached Clyde. She tapped me on the arm (I was sitting on the outside) and asked to talk to Mitch for a sec. He leans over across me enough to see her, and she hands him two small, throwing knives, handles first. She asks him if he wants to buy them from her, two for 5 bucks. After a balance test and a brief inspection, he hands her the money...

Now we didn't think about this very much at all at the time....but I realized later that a) We should have been somewhat scared, but we WEREN'T.....and b) however greasy it was to buy knives off of some lady on the Greyhound, it was probably best to get the knives away from her. After the deal was final, Crazy Lady mentioned the knives were her husband's(a total douchebag from what she told us). Even better. Luckily that's all we had to hear from her.

I'm going to leave this post for now, and do a sequel tomorrow or later on in the week, because everything else seems less interesting after the knives...

JUDI

Impartial?

I finally found the term i've been looking for: impartial.

Which style is better to write with? impartial narrative or personal narrative?
Which is best to live a life seeing the world through? impartial narrative or emotional response?

Blogs - - Amazing Invention

Ok. Does it seem odd to [you] that I have an intense fascination wih other people's blogs...?
Is it because I find other people fascinating? or Is it because I have incredible stalker potential?

Either way, I have concluded that I need to be around people as often as possible. Hopefully this will slightly dissolve the obsession with strangers' blogs.

Today: realized how cool and difficult NaNoWriMo would be...maybe 2008. In my year off....we'll see.

Smiles!
--Judi

Untitled

I bet you expected something depressing. Not today.

People dissapointed me today, I dissapointed me today, but you know what? I can't be brought down...

New perspectives (see yesterday...) brought my head back on track, and Optimism has been restored. Perhaps seeing Val, a good family friend, at the Heartwood folk concert tonight put all my priorities back in place. I also laughed a lot today. At Kathleen, with Kathleen, about things that we did today, stupid or otherwise. Also, coffee that I had 3-4 hours ago is beginning to show it's effects, and coffee always help me think clearer. Praise the coffee....LOL.

You have no idea how subdued I feel right now. I'm so mellow I don't even need to listen to music...and that's so unnatural for me.

I'm not cheery, just content. I don't feel like I have to hide myself or sound "smart or funny" in writing today...

So, I'm really anxious about a few things. Ms. Burns is buying Visual Diary Journals for most of the art class today, so on Monday I'll have an AMAZING outlet to create anything I want, and right now, I don't even think that I want to....I don't think I NEED to right now. We'll see what happens. The joint birthday ski hill adventure will be underway in a week from today, and I'm excited and nervous about learning to snowboard. That day will be great though. I will not let injuries get in my way of having a great last visit (for a while) /joint birthday party.

This week has involved so many conversations. I've never been more confused about life, but I've also never been so at ease with it or optimistic about the future as I was today.
I've decided to work on self improvement, but without actually WORKING on it. I'm not going to label myself or other people as one thing...My goal is to just be, and be the best I can be. Without defining people, without defining myself as anything judgemental.

This is going to be a test, a self-test; to see if I can do it. Join me if you want. No competition, but do this for yourself. Just try, and see how you do.

Good luck.

lack. leck. lick. lock. luck.**

-Judi



**brought on by a typo....but decided to add that in there just for the fun of it...

Perspectives

I love new perspectives.


Hearing how another person views the world and/or themselves is fascinating.
What's more is that if you're lucky, you might learn something. About them. About You.

From talking to Ally, Mitch, Nikky, Jeff(via Ally), Teresa and Kathleen; I've noticed so many different reactions to very similar problems.

Emotions ranging from sadness to joy to being overwhelemed to feeling claustrophobic/trapped to freedom to ecstasy to anger.

Learning to question everything was something HUGE for me...
Mitch brought that up, and it is so true.
I watched as beliefs and opinions soared by, not thinking how I felt about each of them. Then I was confused and I struggled to formulate an answer when someone asked me my opinion on one of these topics.
I am beginning to question myself, and everything I was simply unsure about. I haven't made any conclusions yet, but I'm thinking....

Day of Reckoning

Mood: Intellectual, Appreciative

Is it ironic that on American thanksgiving, coincidentally, I am suddenly aware of my appreciation for people, possessions and perspectives. (3 P's...lol)

Still frustrated how I can't do what I'm attempting to do in this blog (and why I just erased three different ways of saying this) and still have my desired theme of clarity and appreciativeness shine through. Specifics and examples are what bug me bacause I can never JUST WRITE. My self-editor is too active. Always thinking about how to phrase each sentence in a way that will sound "profound and sensical**"
generalizations scare the crap outta me too, because they keep popping up....like now, for example.
My thoughts are still muddied up so I will stop trying to unjumble the jumble....for now....yes that's right you watch your back, because, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger....i'll be back.

**if you can be nonsensical, you can be sensical, right?

You Decide...

Would you believe me if I told you everything I've said in the past two months is a lie? And the utter truth?
Would you honestly take me seriously if I said I regretted buying my camera because I hate seeing myself THAT much?
What would you say if I were to tell you these horrid things?


Take me to a place where I can forget people that have judged me all my life.
Bring your friends, my FRIENDS, and we'll have a night where this present consciousness can be thrown away and the joyful past can be brought to life.

Pythetic. Unhappy. Depressed. Uneasy. Judgemental. Angry. Frustrated. Fake. Undeserving. Confused. Claustrophobic. Caged. Trapped. Inexperienced. Pitiful. Patronized. Patronizing. Egocentric. Guilty. Jealous.
All these things toward other people.
All these things toward myself.

What's so important?

If I absolved all cynicism,
would pure joyfulness result?

If I abandoned all obsession,
would true self-actualization shine through?

If guidelines and proverbs became daily guides,
would self esteem be as dominant?

Are dreams, goals, aspirations necessary?
Will self worth be decreased without motivation?

If the world ceased to exist,
would God care?

LIFE!

At this point in time, it seems the only reason for existence is to be at home, musicifying, filling my head with mindless shit from the computer, every day. No other motivation deems acceptable. Words enter and leave, and meaning follows, sometimes.

School happens - with some excitement resulting- mainly because I want to graduate and pursue a career in something more fulfilling than a fuel transfer engineer (gas station employee). School is a part of my day also because I actually enjoy learning new things, and UNDERSTANDING them (curse you Physics).

I really enjoy the prospect of life, the general idea intrigues me. If only there was some way this life and family would allow me to experience LIFE for how it shuld be - with no fears, taking everything as it comes in stride.

I'll momentarily bring back a well studied phrase from English class -- Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Live a Fulfilled Life. Experience New and Different Things as Often As Possible. I say no more...


I'll leave you with a few definitions from this week's insanity:
Judiism- the belief in Judi and her teachings as the only way
Judiland- a place in the deep caverns of imagination where everything is purple, all Judians follow the rules of Judiism, and there was something else... well everyone could have ADD-- that would make the most sense.

-Judi

Get Rich or Die Tryin'.......

.....

There is so much potential for this infinite box of html and binary to be formulated into english dialect,
I am afraid to start typing.
Here goes:

Today, walking through the hallways of school, A very common sweatshirt for a boy in junior high caught my attention. It was black, big and baggy, with "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" commercially stamped on the back. Now, this got me thinking, especially since I was on my way back from art (where the only direction of transport is to walk through the downstairs junior high hallway, gross) so I was in a thoughful mood.
I thought: now, with a non-thug perspective, how can this quote or way of life be applied to an all-inclusive, gentle personality?
Well, in the 3-minute walk to my infinitscimal prism of personal space upstairs, I was able to come up with this:
-we all want to be rich in some way/form whether it be fiscal, emotional,intellectual, in relationships, and/or in experiences
-the ultimate goal in life for a huge amount of people is to have the successful, well rounded life, similar to that of a Rennesance man in Elizabethan times
-a successful life according to this quote would not nessecarily be to get rich, but to live an entire life with a bounty of joy, happiness, wealth of reliable friends and family; and not onlyto have a substantial quantity of these things, but to continue the search for the entity of our lives, to always be on the search of something new and interesting, something unique, someBODY new and different, to always have something that joy can be found in...

anywho, now that 50 Cent's 'message' is thouroughly destroyed and morphed into a philosophical ancedote...I think my work here is done, I'll leave you to your slumbers, or not as the case may be, if you're reading this.....you just never know.....


-Judi

Depressing...

I should be doing some work in Psych but the sub is being annoying and I can't concentrate.

No thoughts enter or leave, the occasional tumbleweed blows by and I type a few words.
I'm wishing something fantastical could come to mind so I could at least escape through a story or a wicked ass painting or something, but no ambition exists right now.

Hmm, punching bag...I wonder if that would help. I enjoy running, how about running......

These are my horribly depressing thoughts, and I can't get away from them....come and try to help me if you dare... I dare you! lol... (that laugh just looks out of place...ah well, we all need some joy)

well i'm going to end this a) because class is almost over and b) I'm not allowing this to get any more depressing....

-judi

:) SMILES!

Tuesday Meanderings

Chaos erupts
pursuing peace
enduring challenges
neverending futility.

Releasing the Angel

No more my soul shall strive to seek
the inevitable,
impossible.

This soul's too good
They try and try, but
hatred can't get in.

No longer shall my heart
give way to devilish deeds,
awkward.

This heart's too pure,
raised too well,
evil doesn't belong.


Live. Laugh. Love.

Live not in contempt.
Laugh not in strife.
Love not in deception.

-Judi

Claustrophobia?

Hello fellow bloggers,
(by the way did anyone see tonight's episode of corner gas with hank's blog?....Funny!)

I am beginning to be quite uncomfortable with this melancholy. It's uncomfortably claustrophobic living here day in and day out. I have an itch to travel and I can't quite scratch it yet... unfortunately school and work come first in this point of my life so i'll be subjected to a minimum of 5 weeks in this black hole of scheduling and responsibilities. I won't be able to travel, but at least it'll be Christmas...

Not a whole lot going on, right now I'm procrastinating sleep, because first thing in the morning I have to write a nasty physics unit test that I am dreading oh so much...

Really looking forward to this weekend though. The school play's this weekend and Teresa, Ally and I are going on Friday....then the family is heading off to Edmonton for the actual weekend where we'll shop and visit Adam and Mitch(!) ...they're always a hoot.

Well I best be off, and as last time, I am heading in the direction of my Physics homework...For all of you that don't have the burden of physics (and/or another subject that you despise) hanging over your head, consider yourself lucky.

Cheers...
-Judi

Newbie

So I've blogged before, but only on crazily random stuff, so i'll see how this goes.
You'll definitely see crazy random stuff here too though...

What's going on with me right now? well, my amazingly crazy/awesome/outrageous cousin Mitch has been gone from Athabasca for over a week now, and it's starting to show. The house is clean again, and the fridge is full....However, the house is ridiculously quiet and boring again.

physics is obviously NOT my forte, and for once, i'm actually considering dropping a class, it's too bad that it's so far into the semester to get into anything else....we'll have to stick it through and see if i pass....

I NEED A CAMERA!!
I saw at least three things today that needed to be kept in photographic permanency. One of which I managed to capture with a $4 disposible, however, not the best solution.

However dull I may make this town seem, there's an awful lot going on to make me busy! Between work, Physics homework(Screw it.....), and trying to find a time to talk to and/or visit Mitch in Edmonton....my days are busy....

I'll keep it posted, don't you worry....but for now i must go and give Physics 20 another shot, the first one didn't kill it.

Adios for now

Judi